Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Shame of Singlish: The Story of Ah Dan and Eve

I am kind of irritated with people who continue to advocate "proper English", at the expense of Singlish. I don't have to write a 1,000 word blog entry to explain it.

Eve: Sia la! Got someone say the apple si beh juicy sia! You try la.

Ah Dan: Siao char bor! Cannot eat lah! Got rules one. Die die must follow.

Eve: Aiyah, the ang mo pai snake tell me it's very good, crunchy and sweet one. Ang Mo say good, confirm must be good one. He don't bluff you. He say it is succulent. Dunno what that means. His ang mo very powderful.

Ah Dan: Nah beh chee bye. You listen to the jiak kang tang kia.

Eve: Eeyuuuurrrr. Ah Daannnnnnnnn. Why you like daaaaat? Hmmmmmm *pouts* Mai hum ji la, just one bite.

Ah Dan: Ok la ok la. You want me eat, I eat.

Eve: Hehehehehe

Ah Dan: Siao char bor. *takes a bite* Eh, quite nice leh...

Eve: *grabs apple* See la, I told you one. *takes a bite*

Ah Dan: *posture straightens up* Young miss, why are you speaking such barbaric English? You should be ashamed of yourself. You lack the necessary rhoticity in most of your pronunciations. Preposterous!

Eve: Aiyaa... *posture straightens too* Oh my oh my. Our shameful past. We must eradicate this linguistic tumour from our culture. It is utterly embarrassing to our country. What will others think of us if we could not speak proper English?

Ah Dan: Indeed, my young naked friend for whom I may suddenly have lust. Let me control the tumescence of my appendage before we head done the garden for some tea and crumpets.

Eve: Jolly good idea, Ah Dan.

Ah Dan: You can call me Adam, a more refined anglicised version of my old shameful broken English ways.

Eve: I see you now steer clear of your broken ways.

Ah Dan: Indeed, let's go for tea now.

*Exit Ah Dan and Eve*

Serpent: Muah hahahahahahahahaha.

Are you the serpent?

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