I haven't been posting as much as I would liked to have.
I normally write my articles/rants on Microsoft Word before pasting them on Blogger and publishing them, and I see 3 uncompleted files staring back at me.
Blog updating, and its (in)frequency, is a seasonal thing. I cannot quite find my footing and momentum doing my graduate studies and classes, and there are 5 or 6 assignments that await me during the course of this semester.
It is equally frustrating not having decided what my thesis would be, although the focus will be on sexual minority-oriented media studies, in the area of media representation.
It does not help if much of the coursework has little to do with that area of research. Of course, a student is obligated to fulfill the course requirements, but they appear to be mostly excess baggage. Having aspirations to be an expert in a particular field of research, I probably have to do a lot of self-study while going through the motions and routine of the institution. I feel like a square peg being forced into a rounded orifice that is the University.
It is society and socialisation which helps us assimilate and easily become institutionalised. We are empowered with the accepted social skills so we become slaves to them. We are socialised into internalising the institution, and into reproducing it, so that the institution will live on around us and within us.
I recently got acquainted with some guy through another friend and he is a happy member of the student union. He sees fun in joining its activities and meeting people.
As such, both of us are puzzled at each other's perceptions of fun. I asked him what's the point in joining all these extra activities. He was shocked that I have never at any point of my undergraduate life joined any group or society, nor had the interest or consideration to.
Both of us were equally curious and astounded. Of course, I sensed that he thought I was crazy for not wanting to be part of any student-related activities, confounding the kind of social behavioural logic he is accustomed to. Yet, both of us are equally satisfied with what we are doing.
So who is the square peg, or who is the round hole (ignoring the Freudian connotations of course)?
It is our individual beliefs system that has created the round hole for us, and our identity, often being a square peg, is a source of dissonance.
Some people need the help of others (and their presence) to know who they are, while others have less of a need for that. Is the identity of the latter thus more misformed and underdeveloped? Does that imply the identity and self of the former are more developed?